Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Just thinking...from Kansas City!

We have been in Kansas City since July 24th, and we are just loving it! We love the time with family and friends and watching Nathan get to know his extended family much better. It only took him a few days to warm up to everyone and become a little explorer in my parents' house.

The visit started a bit rocky, but it's better now. Most of you have probably read about this on facebook, but I use our blog as a kind of journal for us, so I want to document things before I forget them.

The week of finals, we got an unexpected surprise: we were pregnant with #2! We weren't expecting this at all; we weren't even trying for a baby. We were going to start trying in the next few months, but not yet! Because I'm done with school in April, we had decided to shoot for a due date of June-ish...this due date was March 28th, about 2 weeks before finals and graduation. We were going to just have to make it work, but it wasn't going to be easy. We were still in quite a shock when we told Mitch's parents right before we left for KC. They were in Rexburg and made it possible to tell both our parents in person. 

As soon as we got in the car with my dad to drive home from the airport, we told him our little secret. In a house full of women, my dad is sometimes the last to know something, so we wanted him to help us tell everyone our surprise.

However, about an hour after we got to my parents' house and put Nathan down for a nap, I went to the bathroom and realized I'd started bleeding. For anyone whose been through a pregnancy, bleeding is either 1) labor is coming, or 2) NOT a good sign. I quickly googled a lady doctor in my parents' area, we made some lame excuse to leave Nathan and "go for a drive", and we went off to the doctor. My anxiety was awful, and I was just sure it was all over. 

We found out that my BYU-Idaho student insurance networked with another insurance company that this doctor accepted! Sweet!! We didn't know what to expect as far as insurance went, but we are so glad that the doctor we randomly picked would allow our insurance to pay 80% of all our expenses! We still haven't seen bills, as they are being sent back to Rexburg, but we are hoping that what we're making in KC will cover everything.

Anyway, we had all kinds of tests and ultrasounds done, and after 3 hours of being at the doctor, we found out we had most likely miscarried. They told us that 1 in 4 women bleed in early pregnancy and keep their babies, but my gut feeling just told me it was over.

It was really hard the first couple of times I had to tell people and say it all out poor mother-in-law can attest to this after I fell apart telling her over the phone.

After talking to a few people, including one of my best friends, Amy, who had just gone through a much worse miscarriage, I started to feel a lot better. It's amazing how fast I got attached to something (someone) that I wasn't even expecting. During my counseling for PTSD last fall, my counselor helped me channel any oncoming flashbacks or panic attacks fueled by my experience delivering Nathan into planning the next baby. Down to every detail, I was just supposed to think timelines, names, what I want to do differently, what I know more of now that I've had a baby, etc. So, our second baby has been "in the works" (in my head) since Nathan was about 10 months old. 

I don't really know how to wrap this blog post up, but we did find out later (after many more tests) that I had, in fact, lost the pregnancy. I'm feeling optimistic about everything. We were actually VERY lucky. The ultrasound indicated that it could very well be an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy, which is a complication much larger than a normal miscarriage. We never saw a baby, we never heard a heartbeat, and we lost the pregnancy early enough that I didn't have to have any procedures done afterwards. These are all good things; it was very cut and dry, and ran as smoothly as possible. I had no pain or discomfort, just exhaustion and a couple of other uncomfortable symptoms. 

We are so grateful for all the prayers and support we received during all of this. We could really feel the love and support of not only our loved ones and friends, but we also felt a great deal of comfort from the Lord. It really taught me a lot. Even though this was a hard experience, I am so grateful that we went through it. It really made me realize my appreciation for Nathan and I have been able to focus on his sweet self much more than I felt like I did before.

Well, I have a lot of laundry waiting, and I should probably do a few chores while I'm here with a sleeping toddler! I never realize how messy my kiddo can get until he makes a mess in someone else's home! Thanks for reading and lending support!