...that's what the past few months have been all about. A good friend just posted an entry about her thoughts on pregnancy and how it's made her feel, and I realized that, 1) she had practically read my mind, and 2) I haven't done that anywhere yet! And, since we're 10 1/2 weeks from our due date (!!!) and I also happen to be terrible about journaling, I thought i'd at least write something here.
I remember feeling insecure about my body before I got pregnant. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. Hello!? I hadn't grown much at all since about 8th grade, I could still wear jeans from my freshman year of high school, and I could shop in the kids' department and get away with it.
This picture was taken about 8-9 months ago, before I had any idea how much my body could change in such a short amount of time! (By the way, the massive "movie gun" as I call it, that i'm holding is apparently--as explained by my husband--and AR-15. He wants one really bad! He loves exploring his dad's massive arsenal and hopes to have one just as impressive one day!)
I guess it's always easy to find something to be insecure about. When I started "showing" I was thrilled: finally, all the puking, nausea, heartburn, and weeping was going to be worth it, because I actually had evidence that all that work was being put to use creating something amazing. However, all I got were looks of, "wow, you need sit-ups!" I called this belly my "lunch belly" because it looked like I had just eaten way too much and was still trying to squeeze into clothes. (The second part of that statement is true...oh the things I grew out of, so much faster than expected!).
Towards the end of last semester (end of June/beginning of July-ish) it was pretty obvious that I was pregnant. And I totally milked it: I wore the empire-waist shirts, etc., mostly for my own comfort. I didn't want anyone to think I was just out of shape, but that I was, in fact, pregnant. (Again, I had the body of an eleven year-old before I got pregnant! In fact, on our honeymoon, someone thought I was eleven!!)
This seven week break between semesters has been wonderful. I fully enjoyed my second trimester. The nausea subsided as soon as the second trimester started (almost to the day!), I finally had a belly I could show off, and it made me feel like all the work i'd done so far was going to be worth it, and that I didn't just have some tapeworm or disease or something. I've also changed a lot physically. I have to smile when people can't refrain from saying things like, "you're huge!!" (because again, they've known the eleven year-old version of Alaina and nothing else!). I don't take offense to it, because I remember doing the same thing to people.
I don't mind people touching my belly. I think it's funny, especially because our little man is quite territorial. He doesn't like anyone in HIS space--he even gets mad at the bathroom counter when i'm trying to put on mascara. We laugh and say he's going to be "that kid" that's terrible at sharing...
We loved getting to see him in the sonogram, in all his details and boyishness. It was hilarious seeing one of the views on the screen, where he's spread eagle and pointing to his boy parts...yep, he's a boy alright. Don't worry, Nathan, we took note!
I can't believe how insecure i've felt about my body, especially after spending a great week at Lake Chelan with Mitch's family. The only downside was seeing all the skinny, cute girls in our family in their swimsuits! I felt huge all week.
And the worst part is that, through the past seven months, I don't feel huge when I look down at my belly from an aerial view; it's in the mirror or in side-shot pictures like this that I feel gigantic. This picture was taken last night at 29 1/2 wks.
The ONLY thing that keeps me going through this--well, the only two things--are 1) little Nathan kickin up a storm and squirming around all the time and showing us his little personality, and 2) my wonderful husband, always telling me how much he loves my belly and complimenting me every day. I never believe him, but it still helps! :o) I don't know what i'd do without Mitch! He's just the best, and he never stops telling me how much he loves me. I am so glad I don't have to do this alone! I always have him to support me and always impressing me with how thoughtful he is.
I loved vacationing with him over the seven-week break. We have two last trips scheduled before we add little Nathan to our family, and we couldn't be more appreciative of the time we have left just to be together. We're sleeping in as much as we can before school starts and enjoying having a spontaneous schedule before we worry about diaper changes and feeding/sleeping routines.
I guess the lesson i've learned is that doing this for our family is what makes it worth it. If it were just me wanting a baby for myself, I don't know that it would be worth it for me right now. I know there's a bigger plan out there for us than what Mitch and I can see, and this little man will make our lives that much more wonderful.