Monday, May 2, 2011

Six Months and Worrying

WOW...Nathan is six months old today! (November 2nd)'s amazing how fast the last six months have flown by...and how fast our love for him grows every day!
That also means that my sweet little great-grandma, his great-great-grandma, is 98 1/2 years old...Nathan was born on her 98th birthday! She is awesome.

Nathan has learned how to:

-roll over and over to explore things and get closer to toys
But occasionally forgets how, leading to screaming fits of too much tummy time!

-make hilarious, throaty noises that he repeats over and over again...
(that GASP!-y noise that gets everyone's attention) Tonight we were "those people" in Walgreen's with the crazy noisy child that wouldn't stop gasping at every new aisle! I didn't know Walgreen's was that fun!

-reach out for someone/something
It's so cute seeing those two little hands and ten little fingers try to grab something!

-pull hair like a champ
It took him this long to find and start pulling mom's short hair!

-sit up on his own for about 20 seconds at a time...woo hoo!
After that he needs his boppy for support :o)

-eat rice cereal like a champ, whether it's mixed with breastmilk, water, or Pedialyte
This week we start baby food! Woo hoo, go peas!!
(Nathan and his best friend, Burton, going for a ride in our car)
I'm sure there's more, I just can't remember it! This kiddo hasn't mastered sleeping well yet...he occasionally sleeps more than 4 hours at a time, but most nights he's still up every 3-4 hours wanting food. There's more to life than sleep...right!?
Anyway, on to the next subject...worrying.

I keep convincing Mitch that it's normal for moms to worry more than necessary. He doesn't believe, and thinks i'm going to have an aneurysm at any second.

I usually worry about one thing in particular, which is a very silly worry that I'm, for some reason, consumed in.

I am so worried that the next baby will have to come by c-section.
I know, crazy, right!?
At this point, Nathan's next sibling's going to be, like, 4 years younger than him!!

Plus, in order for me not to be considered "high risk" and give my incision time to heal, it is "strongly suggested" that I wait at least 2 years from the time he was born to get pregnant.

You got it, doc!

VBACs are 75% successful. Those are good odds. My body didn't have a single problem getting fully dilated, etc., it was all Nathan laying on that dang cord. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to have a normal birth with the next baby, in fact, my doctor said I was one of the best VBAC candidates he'd ever seen.

And there is no reason I should be worrying (and losing what sleep I get) because of this.

Mitch thinks i'm a basket case, but baby #2 will determine a lot! He/she will determine:
-if I have to have a c-section with every baby from then on (after 2, it's c-sections all the way!)
-how many kids I can have (after 2, they judge it one at a could be told in surgery that you can't have any more kids...)
-how every recovery will be from then on (I've been told by countless women who have c-sections every time that every recovery is harder than the last).

Now, for those of you that i've advised that a c-section is not the end of the world, DO NOT LOSE FAITH IN ME!! It really isn't!! My recovery was a breeze, I remember every minute of that day (not a foggy narcotic-head here!), and I, personally, LOVED the extra time in the hospital. Ask my mom; she was there to see how easy it was.

This is just an irrational mom worry. A rut I'm stuck in.

Has anyone out there had to have all c-sections, or just one, and can give me good advice?

Even if it's, "yes, you should worry..." I want to hear it. I want permission to worry or not worry. I know it makes no sense, but it will make me feel better!

I feel cheated out of the "normal" experience. I labored all day and got to a 7-8 before the epidural, and 9 1/2 before they called for a c-section, all to earn the satisfaction of seeing that baby. And I didn't get to meet him for 2 hours. I know it doesn't sound like much time, but everyone got to see him before me. Dad, countless doctors, nurses, pediatric heart expert guys, and no mom. If it wouldn't have been an emergency, he would've stayed right there in the OR, but they whisked him away to NICU to check out that heart, and I pretty much demanded Mitch follow them, that I was fine. Our poor baby was alone, and I hadn't even seen him yet!

Yet, I still feel, after all of this worrying, that nothing could make me want it any other way. That c-section made me trust doctors and procedures...everything I was scared of before. The doctor that swooped in and helped our midwife save the day was SO patient and only opted for a c-section when he knew it was the only option. He gave me so much time to try for a normal birth, I just couldn't get him here quick enough (ooh! Another tinge of guilt!)
We got a perfectly healthy baby when he had every sign of congenital heart failure. Mitch says he was so alert and aware, even after being drugged to the max! We had a great recovery. He's been awesome (except the colic...) every day of these last six months!
I'm so glad Mitch took this picture. I felt so nasty after everything, but these couple of minutes that I got to be with him in recovery were just priceless. Look at that scrunched up little face snuggling up to his mama! I love this boy :o)


  1. Enjoyed your sweet photos. As far as your worries. Your first experience was a triple trial... long labor, no epidural until late in labor, then the emergency C section. My guess is you went through so much that it has created lasting concern. One thing I know... each labor and delivery is different. So chances are great you won't experience any of those difficulties next time.

  2. Mitch is the crazy one. All moms worry constantly. I have to admit I haven't even started to worry about labor again, but I do worry about EVERYTHING! Is he too hot, too cold, did he eat enough, is he sleeping enough, is he gaining enough weight, is he developing right... You have every right to worry. I'm sorry I have no experiences with c-sections to share with you but I'm sure the Lord with bless you either way.

    And boy do I know what you mean about not being able to be with your baby. Since Jasper was so early, after I pushed him out, I saw him for maybe 2 minutes and then not again for 6 hours!! Mike and my mom were able to go with him to the NICU and I was left by myself too.

    There is nothing like having a baby that gives you confidence in doctors. I know that because of my nurse, my doctor, and all of the nurses and doctors that worked with Jasper while he was in the NICU that I now have a healthy and happy baby boy.

    I LOVE all the pictures of Nathan! He looks more and more like Mitch every day!

  3. I have some of those same feelings. Having an emergency c-section was such a disconnecting experience for me. I remember days after Marlee was born I still wished that I was able to hold her right away, lift her up, be more "bonded" with her than I got to be those first few hours. I worry some about my next children but don't let yourself dwell on it so! All you can do is your part (waiting longer to get pregnant, exercise, finding a doctor who strongly supports a VBAC), and pray. That's all that you can do. It is definitely natural and okay to worry about it...just don't keep working yourself up into a frenzy. Enjoy Nathan with all of that energy! Who is adorable by the way!

  4. Sweetie...worry is a part of motherhood and husbands will never understand, so don't expect him too. I cannot relate to a c-section, but I do know that you being a good candidate for vbac is a blessing! You will go for it and just let what happens happen. Just remember what the end result is...a brand new baby to love and share your life with. Don't be in a hurry and stop your worrying. You will have to take what is thrown at you. Do you think 12 weeks of bed rest was something I wanted to deal with?? No, but it was worth it in the end. Every pregnancy, delivery and baby are different. It will all work out. -Carrie S.

  5. Haha, Mitch is right - you ARE a basketcase! ;-) But i had the exact same worries after my first was a c-section. And having the 2nd by VBAC was priceless. My circumstances were similar to yours - it wasn't my body that was the problem, it was the baby. My VBAC was awesome, with no complications whatsoever and I'm sure yours will be similar.

    Every doctor is different. Before I had my c-section, they told me I could absolutely only have 2 c-sections. My doctor with my 2nd told me maybe 3. Other doctors have said I could have as many as I want (we move a lot and I get to have lots of doctors. :-D). I know several ladies who have had more than 4 c-sections and my college roommate's MIL had 6 c-sections in the 70's and 80's!! SO...another c-section is NOT the end of the world, like you said. Nor is it a major determinant on how many children you have anymore - you just have to find the right doctor. In the words of my wise husband, "Worry about the things you can do something about now." :-D

  6. P.S. I birthed my VBACs 20 and 42 months after my c-section!!!!

  7. Hey girlie - I'm loving your pictures! Nathan is beautiful, and you are doing such a good job capturing him. You should talk to Heidi in OP -- Madeline was emergency c-section, and all the others were VBAC (about 2 years between each of them) w/ no complications. And even if you have to have another c-section, there's certainly some peace to be found in scheduling the day you'll have a new baby! :) And, yes, constant worry is a normal part of being a mom - we just have to try to balance it out with faith that God will only give us good! Sometimes it may not look like it from the packaging, but we're promised that everything can be for our good if we come to each trial the right way. Easier said than done, right? :)


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