I am enjoying my last month of bittersweet freedom, as of today.
I go back to school full-time April 19th, one month from today.
I couldn't mix my emotions more about this if I tried!
I keep having dreams where Mitch texts me when I'm in class saying, "Nathan just crawled!"
Or during Fall Semester (Nathan=10 months old), "Nathan just walked!"
I know it was part of a plan much bigger than us that Nathan came to our family when he did.
In a perfect world, I would've been graduated. But, being a mom is a more perfect job than anything I could go to school for, so I'm thrilled this is what I'm doing.
However, I also want to graduate. Like, really bad.
I've done 7 semesters of finals, papers, lectures, "online group discussions" (yuck). I can't imagine doing all of that for nothing. So much time, money, patience, frustration, and computer keyboard beatings have gone towards school so far.
Did I mention that going to school has never been fun? Or did you get that from the image of me beating my keyboard?
Anyway, I'm going to finish. Mitch has longer than me left so I want to get done as soon as I can so we have to balance and juggle our class schedules as short a time as possible.
Because i'm "off-track" I can only go at night or online. So, I have 3 night classes and 2 online classes. Heaven help me.
Because Mitch is "on-track" he'll go during the day and be home before my 5:15 class starts.
I'm gonna miss seeing this little face...
I know I won't be gone all the time. I'll still be able to breastfeed, which is a lot more than some people can do while going to school. I just love being home with him all day, helping him get used to life as something other than a newborn.Because i'm going on my off semester, i'm still committed to my 2 on-track semesters. So, i'll be in school from April-July, September-December, and January-April. Phew! Yay for year-round school. Hopefully by then i'll be almost done.
I just hate putting my wants (of a degree) before his needs (of having mom home). It feels very unnatural and I feel very guilty. I'm trying to get over this, and i'm not trying to sound all "woe is me", but it just comes out sometimes!
You'd think i'd be excited for this degree, at least more excited than I am. I'm studying Child Development with a minor in Marriage and Family Studies. What could be more relevant?
For now I'm reading ahead as much as I can for my children's lit class (i've only gotten one book in the mail so far) and soaking up every moment with my little one.
(Oh, and taking lots of pictures...but he's an only child, so that should go without saying!)I can't wait to be done with school! I can't wait to hang that diploma proudly!
It'll be over before you know it. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm sure it'll be so worth it. I haven't gotten my degree yet and 3.5 kids later, I can't even tell you how much I regret it. With the three kids coming so close it just didn't happen... Anyway, what I'm trying to say is just don't beat yourself up too much, sweetie, because nathan won't even remember this and you'll be a better mother because of it. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThat's great that you are going to finish school! I'm still in the process of finishing school. We'll graduate eventually right? It is still hard for me to be away from Madelyn all day..thankfully it's only 2 days a week that I have to do that but it's still hard...so I'll know what you're going through! But you'll be soooo glad that you finished school!!! Nathan will be so proud of you:)
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! And believe it or not, this is the easiest time for you to keep going. The next best time will be in 20-25 years when all your kids are in school full time. Do it now!! And don't worry too much about the little guy. 20 years from now, he'll never remember this. He'll say, "Really? Dad watched me?" or "I went to a babysitter?" And Dad will be there when you're in class - it's not like you're abandoning him to an understaffed orphanage! You can do it!
ReplyDeletealaina if you need ANYTHING let me know... we'll just be hanging out at home all the time next semester so if you need time to do homework or mitch can't watch nathan or anything, let me know... i'm glad to help. and then nathan and rocco can have play dates! lol
ReplyDeletei'll fb you my phone number so you have it :)